The current scoop

Our continued journey... we are still waiting. After 3 days of regular contractions starting on Thursday, Sunday night they became more intense and closer together for a few hours. Not wanting to rush into the hospital if we didn't really need to, I called my midwife and she said she thought we should come in and get checked. So in we go, hoping that this "is it-" after all, I'd been having contractions 2-3 minutes apart for at least 2 hours and they weren't slowing regardless of my activity level or position. I remained skeptical, though, since I hate disappointment and tried to keep a realistic perspective, convincing myself that we were going to be checked, I wouldn't be any more dilated, and they would just send us home right away. At best, I figured they'd have me walk around for a while and see if things progressed.
Yeah right. After a grueling 3 hours spent in a freezing cold room in triage at which point they took blood, sampled my urine, took periodic blood pressure measurements, etc., they decided to admit us, at least for the night, to monitor my blood pressure even though I was only dilated to a 2. Now, I could have told them that after having me lay down for a while, my blood pressure would lower and things were fine; I have never had an abnormal lab come back and my urine is always fine - and the baby never appears to be affected in any way by my blood pressure. In fact, you'd think she was listening to some great music the night I was laying there in the hospital the way she was dancing around. According to all the nurses and midwives who have watched her heart rate on a monitor, I have a "beautiful baby..." At any rate, they wanted me to get some sleep, so instead of sending me home to my nice warm bed, I got admitted to a room around 3:30 am, at which point I started to let myself hope, just a little, that the next time I went home, I would be carrying a baby in my arms.

I slept off and on for the next 4 hours and then in the morning, Jesse went off in search of a nurse or midwife to find out the scoop, since we hadn't seen hide nor hair of anyone for a few hours. The nurse told him they were planning to finish a couple of deliveries and then induce me, about which I had mixed feelings. On the one hand, I really would like to avoid being induced if possible, but on the other hand, I realized that would mean that I would most likely have a baby at the end of this visit.
Then the midwife came in quite a while later, probably after those other few deliveries finished and told me they were actually sending me home on strict bed rest so that my blood pressure doesn't spike and turn into preeclampsia, which would harm the baby.

So here I am. This has been the most discouraging and frustrating week of the entire pregnancy, especially because as I lay here, I feel like I can't do anything that keeps helping baby drop, engage, and get contractions going. I know that "real labor" won't stop or start depending on when I'm laying down, but pure logic says that if I'm up and contractions are starting, they at least have more of a chance at being productive and helping my body "practice" than if I just lay here NOT having contractions all day. That is probably the most frustrating; that I just have to lay here and can't do anything that at least helps me feel like I'm encouraging her to come out. Especially since I was having contractions about every 5 minutes for almost 4 days whether I was up or down, and now they have all but stopped, with only occasional contractions here and there.

Today is the first day I haven't cried about it, but it's still today, so there's still time. I know, logically, that I'm closer every day to having this baby arrive, but I am so tired of laying here, my body hurts from being on my side all the time, my brain hurts because it takes way more energy to convince myself of why I should be laying here, and I feel completely helpless. My mom is doing a great job trying to distract, entertain, and feed us, and Jesse is doing such a great job running the house; he's out grocery shopping as I type. I am so blessed to be surrounded with loving helpers and comforters. I have to keep reminding myself (yet again) that God is sovereign over all things, including my body, contractions, the health of this baby, and her exact birth story. He has a plan, and it is good. I have to preach to myself constantly to keep my heart and spirits up. I also keep praying that in His plan is my body going into labor naturally or my water just breaking and forcing an induction. In the meantime, I've started a little knitting project to keep me busy, even though it's hard to knit on my side. It at least makes me feel like I'm being productive somehow in preparing for the arrival of my sweet little one. She will come, and soon. May God give me grace to be patient for His timing.

39 Weeks

Laborious Days

Our journey over the last few days has felt long and may just prove to be days longer. On Thursday evening, around 5:00, I started to have regular contractions that were about 5 minutes apart and lasted for about a minute each. They weren't very intense though, and I could talk and walk through them so we spent the evening at home resting and waiting to see what happened.
Friday morning, after 15 hours of pretty regular contractions that still didn't feel very strong but were getting stronger so we decided to go in, check my blood pressure and see where we were at knowing we'd probably get sent home unless my blood pressure was too high. Here's a snapshot on the way out of the house...
Sure enough, sent off to have a good breakfast and told to sleep as much as we could today. I had made some progress since Tuesday; on Friday morning I was dilated to a 1 - not much, but some progress! Long way to go though, so we headed to Sara's Coffee in Kent to try breakfast there and enjoyed a delicious, fatty, diner-style breakfast before heading home and sleeping soundly for a few hours.



Then we headed out for a walk in the afternoon to the dog park near our house; it was fun to walk and see all the sweet dogs and my contractions really picked up and got uncomfortable and even a little painful at this point... but decreased in intensity awhile after we got done with our walk, so... more waiting!
Saturday afternoon, I instructed Jesse to take a break and go do something fun after a week of working and unpacking, so he headed off to hang out with a friend and mom and I met at Joann's for some odds and ends for some projects to keep me busy while waiting for baby to make her debut! Then she treated me to a delicious peppermint mocha - what a treat and lucky girl I am to have such a fun mom!Then we headed over to a friend's house for our surrogate-grandma's 75th birthday party, which was fun and did great taking our minds off the approaching and unknown date.
I had contractions through the night (Saturday night) and was woken up for the first time with some stronger ones but not so intense or regular that I couldn't eventually fall back asleep. It could be today... or it could still be next week or more, which might make me crazy!! Our due date isn't until next Monday but a full week of regular contractions might drive me to distraction. This waiting game is so hard! - physically and emotionally... I'm trying to think of lots of things to keep us busy and distracted and I'm generally successful but I'm getting tired of the constant reminders my body is giving me of the unknown. It seems like it would be much easier to wait these last days without the frequent contractions. It almost feels like they're taunting me - sometimes they're more intense and almost painful but then another won't come for 5 minutes and will be less intense, and then I'll have one 3 minutes later that's more intense but not so intense I can't manage it. Anyway, I'm just praying the Lord will bring her sooner rather than later because I'm afraid we're going to get more discouraged and tired.
Todays' plan as far as I can make it: church, home to rest, out to Costco for some staples (and some walking!) and home to work on some projects. I decided to make the curtains for the baby's room out of pretty white eyelet so that will be distracting and fun.

After all...

Happy early Halloween! We didn't carve pumpkins this year because we're moving on Halloween, but I missed it and was enjoying looking at some pictures of pumpkins from our annual Harvest parties in years past! These were made by our talented friends (and my husband) two years ago... can't believe it's been that long!!


37 1/2 weeks and we're still packing! Baby is moving like crazy all the time, but it's not too uncomfortable. In fact, I don't really think of this stage of pregnancy as that unbearable compared to all the warnings I got, but it probably would be if I was still working full time. Having the afternoons to rest is a huge blessing in disguise because now I really don't feel too achy, stiff, sore. Maybe I just expected late pregnancy to be way harder and tiring than it has been, so I'm pleasantly surprised. This pregnancy HAS been a really easy one overall, minus the blood pressure excitement. On that note, at my midwife visit on Tuesday, my bp was much better, even when sitting up, so that was encouraging! Unfortunately, I think subconsciously that makes me feel like I can get up more, which is probably not true, since the reason it was down was probably because I had been resting so much. So it's actually way harder this week to rest than it was last week when I felt like there was real danger - on top of the fact that the pressure is on for the move coming this Saturday and I just want to get up and do all the little last minute packing that you can't really direct anyone to do for you.
Jesse has gone back to substitute teaching instead of his almost-non-paying job where he's been the last year, which will bring in a little more money but we're still praying for God's peace and provision since the loss of my income will be significant. I have decided to go back to work 1 day a week after 3 months, which for some reason I resisted for a long time in my head but there was a funny turning point a few weeks ago when I realized I actually wanted to work one day a week while we live here. The Lord has already provided a childcare swap with a dear friend and I think I may end up doing paid childcare for her another 1-2 days each week as well, once we're ready to start that, so that will also be a huge help. It turns out this week was full of answered prayers and I'm excited to just get moving into the new place on Saturday and start setting up (or at least being set up, since I'm not supposed to help with moving) house again. It will feel so good to just get out of here and get unpacked again, especially since I'm going a little crazy not being able to feel "prepared" for baby. Whether that's nesting or just my type-A, always be prepared personality, I don't know, but I do know I'm ready to go and the house is just about ready too. Just 2 more days to make it through until we can move, and then I give baby permission to come late next week. We'll see if she obeys. I'm also okay if she waits until her due date (at least right now I'm okay with that thought) but I definitely do NOT want her to come way after, that's for sure!
Tata for now, off to work. I'm trying to decide whether to go get a haircut this afternoon for the first time in way too long!

"You just don't give a care..."

Last May, when I was only 3 months along, we spent a day at the beach and nearby was another girl who was pregnant but much farther on than I was, she was probably at least 8 months pregnant or so. She was wearing a shirt that was not long enough and pants that were not high enough in the waist, so that her belly was showing. I leaned over to Jesse and whispered that he was never to let me go out of the house looking like that.
Last night we ran out to get some more packing tape at my family's and stopped by the store for some ice cream, and I realized that I was on my road to becoming that girl... I was weaing some horrendous black fleece pants that I probably got at the thrift store when I was in 9th grade, a maternity top that, with maternity pants would have been long enough but with these loose fleece pants, did not consistently keep my middle covered. As a side note, I had showered but had NOT gotten around to putting on makeup or doing my hair in any way. I reminded Jesse of that time at the beach and said,

"What I realize now is that when you're this pregnant, you JUST DON'T CARE!!!"

Which is not entirely true because, well, I do care not to look like a beached whale with her underside hanging out, a neon white light against the blustery, rainy sky... so I'll try a little harder today. Hopefully I will succeed...

37 weeks...

Well, as unflattering as this picture is, it's the most I would let my mom do to post on her blog last night since I hadn't done my hair or makeup and had on the black fleece pants that Jesse threatens to throw away when I'm not looking... but here's a general idea of how big baby is. I feel uncomfortable and huge but when I look at this picture and others, I actually think I don't look that huge compared to how I COULD look. But when I'm lying down, my mobility is still completely challenged and it takes great effort to get up.

Laying down is something I'm doing a lot of lately since my blood pressure remained really high at my Friday midwife visit and she told me that my primary activity needs to be lying on my side. I'm still cleared to go to work for 4 hours each day but then coming home and... you got it, resting! And I've been doing my best to rest rest rest this weekend, which is hard in the midst of a sea of boxes and things that need to be packed, but Jesse and my mom have been life-savers. I feel completely useless and it's so frustrating! But I am also terrified of the idea of Baby coming early in the middle of our big move, so I use that as motivation to confine myself to the couch as much as I can.
I'm SO excited to just move and start getting unpacked (or... letting others get me unpacked) because I'm just itching to set up house again. My family has offered to let us eat up there each night this week so I don't have to prepare any meals and so we could get my kitchen packed up, which mom so efficiently did yesterday!
So at this point, that's the main news... resting, packing, anticipating the arrival of our first baby, and working half-time at this point. I return to the midwife on Tuesday to check my blood pressure and they have now scheduled me to come twice a week for the rest of my pregnancy to keep a close eye on me and the baby. I am trying hard not to stress and just rest in the knowledge that, as with everything else in our life, God is the one who determines all things - EVEN my blood pressure. I was reading a Psalm the other day that said "You brought me forth from my mother's womb," and it keeps springing into my head that labor and delivery are completely under God's sovereign rule and He will draw this baby out from me (although I know I have a very active part to play in that too!!). What a comfort to me His sovereign grace and mercy is, especially in times that are hard or stressful. I don't know how I would stay sane without the peace of that knowledge in my heart and mind!

4 weeks left...

Here I am again, facing another Monday morning! This week we are 36 weeks along and it will prove to be a very different looking week for me. At my Friday midwife appointment last week, my blood pressure was too high, and they were particularly concerned because it had been creeping up at each visit over the last few weeks. I was also a bit puffy and seemed to maybe be carrying some water weight, so given all the factors, she insisted I go to half-time at work, cutting back from 35 hours to 20 hours, starting this week. We were prepared that this might happen and I have fortunately given away most of the kids on my caseload, so I've been mainly doing paperwork with a smattering of kiddos here and there. This makes it much easier logistically to cut back, although it continues to be a test financially, since we were hoping I could work more right up til baby comes. We're playing it by ear so we'll see what happens this Friday. I seriously doubt, regardless of my blood pressure that they're going to okay me to go back to full time at this point so it's 20 hours a week from here out, I guess. It definitely increases the feeling that we're on the home stretch - I am technically full term next week, which is crazy to me. We're really praying that we get a few more weeks before she comes because we're still planning to move on the 31st (could that be contributing to my high blood pressure? haha) and would love to move without a hospital stay in the middle. The timing is really up to the Lord, though, and we trust that He will do what is best. We have absolutely no say in most of the things happening to us lately, so we're doing our best to sail through and enjoy the ride. Jesus says in Matthew that "Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" so why feel anxious about tomorrow? That's a verse I recite to myself, meditate on, and pray through every morning, because otherwise, I get so bogged down in trying to imagine all the "worsts" that might happen and try to prepare for them, which is completely impossible with most of my worries.
So here's to starting a week with a lot of rest and less work. I am supposed to lay down 3 hours every day so that will be a challenge, especially when I'm surrounded with boxes and things that need packing, but I will be strict with myself and make myself follow directions because I want this baby to stay in and be healthy!
In other news, we had a few baby showers last week, one at work and one with some dear friends and it was an absolute DOWNPOUR of blessings. I could hardly believe it. I think we now have pretty much all of the things we were hoping to have in place before baby comes which is so amazing. We got a changing pad, changing pad covers, crib sheets, baby spoons and bowls... bottles... a breastpump!! and our crib bedding, to name just a few. I took pictures of the goodies from the shower the ladies at work threw me (I haven't had time to do it with the other shower goodies yet!):

35 weeks

Today marks the development of another week of our pregnancy and it feels like it's getting down to the wire. When I think about the fact that I'm technically "full term" in 2 weeks, I get a little stressed and start praying for the Lord to keep this baby in until at least 39 weeks, so we have at least a week in our new place once we move (at 38 weeks).
All the ups and downs of hormones along with some major life changes are affecting me, and Jesse is being so sweet. I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful husband who loves and cherishes me and was willing to come home from a long weekend of being in a wedding and helping haul wedding gifts multiple places and then came home and offered to deep scrub our bathtub so I could soak for a while. Then while I was soaking, he thought to bring in candles and turn out the light so it was even more relaxing - what a guy, right?! I definitely have a good one. Plus, he is patient with my mood swings, which is so important right now. I love him and am so thankful to have a husband who is so perfect for me. He is going to be a great dad and he is so impatient for his little girl to come out so he can hold and snuggle her.
I have had such a difficult time sleeping lately; it's not so much difficulty falling asleep and it's not always because I wake up to go to the bathroom. Last night I woke up with an upset stomach around 1:00 and just couldn't sleep and couldn't get comfortable. I finally got up and read the Bible downstairs and dozed on the couch for an hour and a half before stumbling back up to bed in hopes that I could fall deeply asleep again. I ended up sleeping just fine after that until my alarm went off. People say it's preparation for when the baby comes, but that seems ridiculous to me, since it seems like getting as much sleep BEFORE the baby comes would be much better preparation! Oh well.
I have many projects to tackle this week, including packing, grocery shopping and other things so I should go make a to-do list and get these things out of my head and onto paper. I am hoping for another happy and healthy week as we try to accomplish a multitude of tasks along with resting and making time to relax on occasion.

Bumbleride

Well, we registered for this same basic stroller for $359 as a shot in the dark, figuring we wouldn't be able to afford one. BUT, thanks be to Craigslist, we found one tonight for $70 in light blue and tan with just a bit of normal wear and tear! We were pretty excited, to say the least!