Thursday, August 10, 2017

august 10 glimpse

Suddenly the light stands out to me everywhere.  I realized I am not photographing my children, or my surroundings.   I'm photographing light.  That sudden lightning bolt has affected my mental process behind the camera recently and I am always looking to capture the light.  I know that it is a very basic and simple photography concept that took way too long to really click into my head but it's not really my head it clicked into; it is more my heart and my understanding of light and shadows and how their interplay makes up the world around us.  There's a metaphor there. I doubt there is any visible difference in my pictures, but the consciousness is there and ready to be stretched and developed.  I really love the way a camera captures beauty, sorrow, fear, disgust - all these things that can be contemplated later and remembered with a sigh or a laugh.  It is my life that I am capturing with the light.  

I accidentally capture my children's personalities - Lyddie trying out whether she likes to perform for the camera or ignore it, Rosie mostly unconscious of me in the background looking for the light, Millie deliberately ignoring mostly, but eager to see the pictures later and smiling at the memories they hold.   

My favorite current book holds the same light and shadows.  Lila by Marilynne Robinson does not disappoint after having read Gilead by the same author.  I am swept along in Lila's thoughts, and it is fascinating to hear her story from her own perspective after having read the other book from her husband's point of view.  Her childhood of neglect and rescuing, her early adulthood of abandonment and sorrow, her mature womanhood with a pinprick of faith alongside all the mistrust and doubt that come naturally after traumatic experiences.  I really do get lost in her memories and reflections as I wander the outskirts of Gilead with her.  It is reminiscent of Wendell Berry but rather than writing about fairly healthy and functional communities that are evaporating, Robinson seems drawn to the beauty in the midst of the brokenness.  Not that Berry doesn't succeed in the same things, but they are different in that way.  If you like Wendell Berry, you will probably like giving this author a go. If you do or if you have already read her books, drop me a note and let me know what you think in the comments.  

Saturday, August 05, 2017

summer thanksgivings

Our first trip of the summer up to Rimrock Lake. A respite and quiet of playing in the water, reading along the shore and picnicking.
Most days are full of of a flurry of activity.  What a blessing it is that my girls have gotten to participate in so many of the kids' activities at church.  The older two spend their mornings every other week with other kids from the community at church for Day Camp which has given them so many opportunities to make friendships with the other girls their ages. We spend the afternoons of those same weeks in the housing project nearby doing what can be described as a backyard Bible club.   This is the first summer where I feel they have really started to feel like a part of the group of kids.  They come home with stories about their friends and the activities they've done and I can tell especially Lyddie is feeling really happy about those friendships, especially when that friend seeks her out too and calls Lyddie her best friend.  I'm thankful.  
While these developing friendship for my girls bring me joy and hope, my joy feels cautious by knowing that eventually the deeper into friendships they go over the years is likely to open up doors to knowledge of brokenness and suffering as they grieve for the hurts of their friends they are growing up with.  Their eyes will not be long covered or blinded to the sufferings of others in a deeply hurting community.   It is a serious matter that I pray over and need to pray more over.  I am conscious of choices to preserve the beauty of childlike innocence while also encouraging them to understand God's love for the broken and hurting people of our world (including themselves!). The things is, I want to help teach this kind of tenderness in them, but what if it doesn't turn out in the end to be tenderness but instead a hardness toward the Lord for allowing such pain on earth?  It's probably not as clear-cut as "either/or," especially in the complex range of human emotion and understanding that comes with age.  I long for them to grow up to know His love and turn to pour it out to others who need it.  Those are my primary parenting goals and these are some of the challenges of my mothering that I am mindful of in the quiet moments.  I am thankful that God promises to love and protect my children, who are lent to me for only a little while.  I know that when I ask Him for wisdom, He will lead me and I can trust Him as He walks beside us.  Thanks for reading, my friends.  I will one day look back and see how He has answered my prayers for guidance and protection and wisdom.  

Thursday, August 03, 2017


I am reading Miracles by Eric Metaxas this summer.  Before he launches into stories of miracles as most people think of them (miraculous healings and so forth) he spends time defining a miracle and laying out the miracle that life exists.  He details several incredibly specific requirements for the presence of life that scientists have been discovering in the past fifty years since the theory that life probably exists beyond our planet became widely popularized.  In short, at that time, it was thought that there were two main requirements for life to exist, so the likelihood that alien life exists was thought to be very probable.  Since then innumerable discoveries have come to light about what exactly makes Earth so incredibly unique and allows it to support life. I was stunned and in awe again at the perfect precision God had in designing creation.  
For instance, if the earth was even slightly bigger or smaller, gravity would be affected which in turn would affect our atmosphere and air.  With increased gravity,gaseous elements would settle on the surface of the earth which now dissipate into the atmosphere and other elements necessary for us to breathe would not stay close to the surface of the earth if gravity was decreased. 
He discusses the fabulous qualities of water that allow it to float when it freezes (thereby not killing water creatures by freezing at the bottom of bodies of water) because of its unique molecular structure.  He talks about the incredible uniqueness of our moon and tides in a solar system where most of the other planets have more and much smaller moons.  I'll stop there and will just recommend you read it.  As I look at the creation around me, these exquisite details stand out to me these days as a miracle. 
The way the harvest moon hangs low and large and red.  The lace of the dragonfly wing as it sways in the birch.  The laughter of my children as their lungs pump and their legs flash and run through the grass.  All of this is a miracle made possible by the perfect design of a good creator.  

Tuesday, July 11, 2017



A day trip to Multnomah Falls gave us a chance to hike up to the top and splash for a little bit in the river before the falls. It was a fairly busy day on the trail, but thinned out as we neared the top.  Being so used to the high daily temperatures of the Yakima area, I forgot that the weather would probably be different once we got further into Oregon and did not pack extra sweaters.  Silly me!  The girls made do passing a jacket back and forth depending on who was cold at any moment, mostly giving the jacket to little Rosie-pie and insisting they were not cold.  Sweet girls.  

After a picnic lunch and the hike, we headed a little further down the road to Portland, where we parked at a park and ride and took the train downtown, just a block or two away from Powell's bookstore.  I was able to find some of our school books for the coming year and a few fun books too, then we grabbed dinner at a food truck on the walk to the place we needed to get back on the train to our car.  It was a fun adventure (thanks to my brave husband who pushes me to trust his way of doing things even though I like to have everything carefully mapped out in advance) and way nicer than trying to find parking downtown and then feeding the meter repeatedly!  The drive back was late and we were tired the next day but I enjoyed the extra knitting time in the car to work on Millie's Sorello.  We're also reading aloud Gregor the Overlander by Suzanne Collins so there was some of that too!  
I am looking forward to another little day trip tomorrow, this time nearer than the last, and I hope to read and knit and relax and splash in the lake and play games and picnic restfully.  I'm trying hard to finish up Short Nights of the Shadow Catcher:  The Epic Life and Immortal Photographs of Edward S. Curtis by Timothy Egan.  Last year when I read The Boys in the Boat I realized I really enjoy historical biographies, which makes perfect sense with my past love of reenacting and history coming to life.  So when I saw Short Nights in the bookstore and flipped through it and saw the stunning (and some familiar) photography that was included, I tucked it away in my mind to look for when I had time.  It jumped out at me from the library shelf a few weeks ago and I grabbed it.  I am finding it very interesting, not even having realized that Curtis was from the Pacific Northwest.  If you don't know who he is, you can google historic pictures of Native Americans and most of what you see will be his work.  He was prolific, trying to capture images of the way of life of all the tribes on the North American continent before it changed drastically. He largely tried to keep his work out of the realm of politics, but as I think is inevitable, once he began to realize the level of injustice and cruelty that had been enacted on the tribes over and over again, his work began to reflect that frustration and sorrow.  I find it interesting from so many angles - Native America (of course), local and national and tribal history, and photography.  

I love that picture of me and the girls up there.  It's nice to catch one of those every now and then.

Saturday, July 08, 2017

Independence Day 2017


Hello my friends; I don't even know if there are any of you out there still - this sweet space that means so much to me has been so neglected lately and I haven't been able to visit some of my favorite places on the web either.  I find myself using my blog to help me remember things that I can't remember - dates and years of different trips or activities, and the photos are continue to accessible and special to the girls who love to look at things here too.  We have had a whirlwind of nonstop visitors to our new home the past month and we have so enjoyed sharing our space and spending time with them but are admittedly worn out and enjoying the quiet of the past few days to catch up on cleaning and other chores that have been pushed aside in favor of more important things.  The next few posts will hopefully include some pictures of our latest doings, but I decided to start with the Fourth of July for fun. 

We walked down our long driveway to our neighbor's house for a big fun old-fashioned party.  The girls spent most of the afternoon racing down the slip 'n slide hill with lots of friends.  At first they were hesitant and unsure but after a few tries, they were keeping up with the fastest!  My favorite was watching Rosie get a running start and then sit on her bottom with both feet straight in front of her using her hands and arms to push off and get up speed as she sailed to the bottom.  What a delight it is to me to see them having such fun and trying new things!  

Our neighbor graciously paddled a few sets of girls around their pond and Lyddie with her new friend Bella could hardly wait their turn; she kept the lifejacket on from the second she realized she was going to get a turn until she got back from the trip.  Her face, all lit up in that canoe picture above, looked just like that all evening as she flitted from one thing to the next.  The picture where she is waving to me behind the camera is so bittersweet to me because I am aware that these days of unfettered and un-self-conscious joy are limited and I eat up those little gestures all the more because of it.  

(Fireworks ended up being kind of traumatic because there was an accident so that the fireworks others were setting off shot at all of us who were sitting in its line of fire. I won't share more for the sake of privacy, but we did end up with a trip into the ER and the injured party is recovering now and should be fine.  All of my girls were safe, for which I am endlessly grateful.  Bottom line - be safe in your fireworks plans every year and take every precaution for safety.)

We were so thankful for the happy memories that we got to make with friends and family that evening surrounded by beauty and nature and music and laughter.  Happy Summer.  💗