Yeah right. After a grueling 3 hours spent in a freezing cold room in triage at which point they took blood, sampled my urine, took periodic blood pressure measurements, etc., they decided to admit us, at least for the night, to monitor my blood pressure even though I was only dilated to a 2. Now, I could have told them that after having me lay down for a while, my blood pressure would lower and things were fine; I have never had an abnormal lab come back and my urine is always fine - and the baby never appears to be affected in any way by my blood pressure. In fact, you'd think she was listening to some great music the night I was laying there in the hospital the way she was dancing around. According to all the nurses and midwives who have watched her heart rate on a monitor, I have a "beautiful baby..." At any rate, they wanted me to get some sleep, so instead of sending me home to my nice warm bed, I got admitted to a room around 3:30 am, at which point I started to let myself hope, just a little, that the next time I went home, I would be carrying a baby in my arms.
I slept off and on for the next 4 hours and then in the morning, Jesse went off in search of a nurse or midwife to find out the scoop, since we hadn't seen hide nor hair of anyone for a few hours. The nurse told him they were planning to finish a couple of deliveries and then induce me, about which I had mixed feelings. On the one hand, I really would like to avoid being induced if possible, but on the other hand, I realized that would mean that I would most likely have a baby at the end of this visit.
Then the midwife came in quite a while later, probably after those other few deliveries finished and told me they were actually sending me home on strict bed rest so that my blood pressure doesn't spike and turn into preeclampsia, which would harm the baby.
So here I am. This has been the most discouraging and frustrating week of the entire pregnancy, especially because as I lay here, I feel like I can't do anything that keeps helping baby drop, engage, and get contractions going. I know that "real labor" won't stop or start depending on when I'm laying down, but pure logic says that if I'm up and contractions are starting, they at least have more of a chance at being productive and helping my body "practice" than if I just lay here NOT having contractions all day. That is probably the most frustrating; that I just have to lay here and can't do anything that at least helps me feel like I'm encouraging her to come out. Especially since I was having contractions about every 5 minutes for almost 4 days whether I was up or down, and now they have all but stopped, with only occasional contractions here and there.
Today is the first day I haven't cried about it, but it's still today, so there's still time. I know, logically, that I'm closer every day to having this baby arrive, but I am so tired of laying here, my body hurts from being on my side all the time, my brain hurts because it takes way more energy to convince myself of why I should be laying here, and I feel completely helpless. My mom is doing a great job trying to distract, entertain, and feed us, and Jesse is doing such a great job running the house; he's out grocery shopping as I type. I am so blessed to be surrounded with loving helpers and comforters. I have to keep reminding myself (yet again) that God is sovereign over all things, including my body, contractions, the health of this baby, and her exact birth story. He has a plan, and it is good. I have to preach to myself constantly to keep my heart and spirits up. I also keep praying that in His plan is my body going into labor naturally or my water just breaking and forcing an induction. In the meantime, I've started a little knitting project to keep me busy, even though it's hard to knit on my side. It at least makes me feel like I'm being productive somehow in preparing for the arrival of my sweet little one. She will come, and soon. May God give me grace to be patient for His timing.