Wednesday, October 03, 2012
It is one in the morning in my corner of the world and I can't sleep, thanks to the soda I drank earlier in the day, the first caffeine I've had in at least a month. I thought it was early enough in the day, but I guess not.
I really haven't taken time to post here in so long. Summer was busy and my focus in writing is most often on communicating with our supporters back home through our newsletters and family blog. And then when I do write, I feel like I just have to sit here and jot down news; for posterity's sake, for the sake of anyone who might read that hasn't otherwise heard the news from the Rez...
So I forbid myself from writing much news, although a relevant detail to mention is that I am 9 weeks pregnant with our third baby. I am excited and happy, although nausea and exhaustion fill my days and there are some days that I am counting the minutes to the next quiet moment I can lay down and close my eyes. The first trimester takes a bit of shine out of the joy of expecting a baby. There are so many questions: will it be a girl or a boy? Will it have red hair too? What will its little personality be like? Will it be healthy? Will it sleep well or be a fussy baby? How should we shift bedrooms around to make our family fit the most comfortably? Will I have have pre-eclampsia again? How will I survive with joy through the busy summer months with Jesse gone so much for ministry and me most likely at home with the tiny baby and two other children for a good part of the season? There are always so many questions and things I would like to control, but pregnancy is a very real time of realizing how much I must lean on God and His provision and sovereignty. In some ways it is hard, but in many ways, it's easy. If He created this life and caused it to be formed in me, then why wouldn't I trust Him to do what He knows is best? But of course, in my humanity, I still hold worries and anxieties near rather than casting them on Him.
I am feeling homesick this last week. Fall is one of my favorite seasons and I miss some of my favorite parts of life "back home." Mother's Ministry at our home church was always a highlight of my week with its time of worship, Bible study, prayer, and fellowship with other women midweek. I miss getting together with my mom and friends to knit each week. It's not to say that there aren't really wonderful things in my life here, or that I want to go back to the way things were. I just miss them.
I have two piano students, girls whose parents are on staff with us here, and I really enjoy teaching piano again. I am considering what it would be like to have a little Sacred Road music recital, since there are other kids on staff taking music lessons. I think it would be fun and would give my students a chance to practice performing before others.