Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Morning meditation

Well, I haven't had much to report all summer and my motivation for well, everything, has been really low. But as of last night, Jesse has finally been offered a full time job (32 hours), which we really need because money is tight right now. The major drawback is that the hours are from 3:00-11:00 pm four weeknights each week, and combined with his UPS job which is 3 mornings a week, I will see him very little. He told me when I got home last night, and I feel terrible because I think he was hoping it would be a really happy night, but dealing with the thought versus the reality of him being on opposite schedule from me are two very different things and I was really upset.
The job is one I think he'll enjoy, which is good - it's a youth counselor position at a nearby group foster home for kids who haven't been able to stay in the placement homes they were in. The goal of the house is to get them back into a home, or if they're old enough, start training them for living on their own. It sounds like a cool place to work; I just hope that the hours might change in the near future.

In all of this, all summer, we have felt God is definitely working to stretch our trust in him so totally. I feel stretched thin right now and am hoping that by going away this weekend with brother Austen to the Oregon Coast, I might find a little reprieve for my soul. In reality, I know our life is so good and God will always provide exactly what we need. The trouble is that my sinful heart is tempted to want more than we need. Spurgeon's Morning and Evening devotional for this morning applicably says the following:
Impatient spirits may fret and fume, because they are not called to the highest places in the ministry; but reader be it thine to rejoice that Jesus calleth whom he wills. If he shall leave me to be a doorkeeper in his house, I will cheerfully bless him for his grace in permitting me to do anything in his service. The call of Christ’s servants comes from above. Jesus stands on the mountain, evermore above the world in holiness, earnestness, love and power. Those whom he calls must go up the mountain to him, they must seek to rise to his level by living in constant communion with him. They may not be able to mount to classic honors, or attain scholastic eminence, but they must like Moses go up into the mount of God and have familiar intercourse with the unseen God, or they will never be fitted to proclaim the gospel of peace.
I must remember this as we face this time where we are trying to live all of our lives in constant devotion and trust in Him. No matter what the world or anyone around us says or thinks, we believe He is in complete control of our life and situation and trust Him when He promises that He has a plan for our lives that, while it may be full of pain and sorrow as we pass through this world, will bring Him glory and honor. I cling to the lines of the familiar hymn What a Friend We Have in Jesus when it says:
Have we trials and temptations
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged
Take it to the Lord in prayer
Can we find a friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden
Cumbered with a load of care
Precious savior, still our refuge
Take it to the Lord in prayer
Do your friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer
In His arms He'll take and shield thee
Thou wilt find a solace there.
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