This week I really am starting to show I think, and it won't be long before loose shirts won't hide it anymore and I will have to start telling the families that I work with that some changes are on the way...
People keep asking if I am feeling the baby yet and there are some nights where I am quite confident that I do feel a little nudge from tiny body parts, especially if I am laying in just the right position. While I know it's still pretty early to consistently identify baby movements for a firstborn, at times I have to fight not to worry a little when I'm not feeling the baby - not necessarily because I think I should feel it so much as the normal fear and doubt that comes with pregnancy. I feel like I live from doctor visit to doctor visit when I can hear the heartbeat and, for at least a split second, rest in hopeful assurance that everything is fine and just as it should be. I am a worrier - it's a part of me that I am always trying to change, a part of me that I repeatedly have to confess to the Lord. I know it's a sign of my doubting, controlling human nature clinging too tightly instead of resting in the knowledge that His will is superior to any plan or desire I could have for myself.
This week, our baby is about 5 1/2 inches long from head to rump (from www.babycenter.com). We have only 17 days to go until our ultrasound and I can't wait. I continue to look forward to knowing whether we will be having a first born son or daughter. For a long time, I have to confess, I was really hoping that we would have a girl, but the last week I have felt more peaceful and excited at the possibility of having a boy. Maybe the Lord is preparing me to have a baby boy because it seems like He keeps putting me in situations where I see sweet sons and mothers or sons and fathers all around me and I get excited to think about raising a baby to a boy to a man who will love our Father and someday lead his family in the ways of the Lord the way that Jesse does.
So in all these thoughts, anticipations, worries, excitements, and joys, I am always reminded of the following Scriptures:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." - Proverbs 3:5-6
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:4-7
And one of my other favorites: "The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." - Zephaniah 3:17