How I Am...

 

I am a mover, a worker, a shaker.  I delight in work, in keeping busy, in activity.

So this whole staying down on the couch and in bed thing right now - it's hard.  It doesn't matter how temporary it is or how often people remind me that this too shall pass; I think right now, it's okay to acknowledge it is hard.  Hard to watch my husband wrestle through the tasks that I can accomplish with relatively little effort, since I am well-practiced in juggling laundry, kids, dishes, clean-up.  Hard to hear my toddler screeching and watch my weary husband do the the consistent discipline yet again while I am unable to help.  Hard to know that the work that he loves and is so good at is on hold while we wait expectantly for God to heal my body, restore my blood pressure to normal, and enable life to return to something more normal.  I wanted to say that I am waiting for life to "resume," but that is wrong; life is continuing, I am growing and learning how to lean on Jesus more completely for my joy and peace.  Life hasn't stopped - it has just changed for a season.

We are so blessed by friends and family who are taking such care of us - we have been blessed with meals, grocery store trips, quick encouraging visits!  My parents and brother, who were here for a (supposedly) short visit when my blood pressure spiked, completely rearranged their schedules for three days in order to stay and take care of our "big girls" while I was in the hospital.

I am reminded of the body of Christ in each of these things and how we all need each other.  Right now I am the needy one, dependent, forcing other lives to flow around me and my needs, and it is humbling to be on the receiving end of His love through others to me and our family. As hard as it is, it is part of community and deepening of relationships.  I am encouraged by the many who are praying for me and loving us and I am daily entrusting my life to the One who wrote every day for me before "even one of them came to be."  I am admiring my husband's love and patience even though I can tell he is stressed and disoriented.  I am delighting in the beauty of my new Rosemary and trying to just enjoy the "extra" time I get to lay back and cuddle her.  I am knitting up a storm and diving into a good book when I can, along with some extra napping time.  I am loving the pictures from the wonderful camera my brother so graciously loaned me.  The medications I am on usually give me a slight headache but I am thanking God today that so far no headaches have appeared and I actually had a normal blood pressure reading this morning- the first since before the hospital stay.