Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way you expect it to, or, if you're a glass-half-empty soul, it doesn't turn out the way you wished. Sometimes disappointment can cloud your eyes. Sometimes fear of the unknown can paralyze the already too-tired feet under you, and other times, the sorrow of the known can knock you right off those same feet.
Sometimes you imagine that life could be just a little better. Maybe better means cleaner, maybe it means messier. Maybe it means both at the same time.
Maybe you are longing for a husband. Maybe there's a job or a career your heart longs for. Maybe you are waiting and waiting for motherhood with no sure promise that it's coming. And maybe you are that crazy person who hoped, like me, to be that mom with so many children with her at the store that people stopped and stared, wondering if they were all yours. Maybe you see other women with more people than you have and the envy twinges your heart and you wonder what that could be like.
Maybe you feel guilt that you have unfulfilled longings toward something or someone you don't have. Do you, too, wrestle with that guilt? Wonder if maybe you should just shut your soul up and be grateful for what you do have? Stifle your heart because to admit those longings audibly opens up wounds, sorrows, hopes, and disappointments that are too heavy a flood to dam up again? Do you wonder if you are the only one?
Dear soul, bring your unfulfilled desires to Jesus. Wounded, sorrowing, disappointed soul, do not hide. He knows all your cares and cares for all that you know. To admit your deepest longings to Him may loose a flood, but He is the master of the wind and the waves and your longing won't scare Him, won't knock Him backward. He who dances over you will quiet you with His love (Zeph 3:17).
I wrestle every day with the fact that I couldn't have as many children as I wanted, and also with the fact that my own parents will never be the kind, caring, positive people I have always wished they would be. I think I will always feel that there are large holes in my heart for both reasons. But I have learned to appreciate what I do have, which is so much more than I thought I would, honestly. It isn't perfect, but nothing in life is, and once I embraced the truth of that, it all became easier for me. I hope that it does for you too, if you are struggling with these thoughts and feelings.
ReplyDeleteJust want to make it official.. YOU make my world better
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